Overheard in Hampton Roads
I was smushing a cockroach and I caught Sheryl’s finger.
~ in Portsmouth #
I don’t care if I’m gay! I love women. I love women and mustaches!
~ in Virginia Beach #
I tried sucking as hard as I can. It was just painful.
~ in Virginia Beach #
It is kind of overwhelming. I just tried to swallow it as fast as I could to get the taste out of my mouth.
~ in Virginia Beach #
“I’m the closest thing to a girl you’ll meet with… with a penis.”
“I don’t know. Have you ever been to Thailand?”
~ in Virginia Beach #
“You ever been squirted in the face by breast milk?”
“…”
“Please put that on the website. Who the fuck says that? Except for infants.”
“Yeah, infants say a whole lot, huh?”
~ in Norfolk #
I’d like to get Hallo-tween those boobies.
~ in Norfolk #
It didn’t hit me in the face. What? It didn’t hit me in the face!
~ in Norfolk #
The only person here I don’t hate is Jady. If I could have babies, I’d have babies with Jady.
~ in Virginia Beach #
I can pretend to be gay. I can pretend to not have a penis! I have to admit I have a penis to like her!
~ in Virginia Beach #
“Are all three of you in the bathroom?”
“That’s how it goes.”
“That’s fucking gay.”
~ in Virginia Beach #
“I’m straight, but I’m very… open.”
“Haha”
“JR, kiss my fuckin ass.”
“Well, you ARE open to that.”
~ in Virginia Beach #
5 years?! What the fuck are you talking about? It’s fourth grade, there’s grass on the field!
~ in Virginia Beach #
Great, Matt. You’ve made me sympathize with Hitler. Thanks a fucking lot.
~ in Virginia Beach #
