Overheard in Hampton Roads

Why do you look so meaty?

~ in Virginia Beach #

Ow! It hurts every time I have to peel my tongue off!

~ in Virginia Beach #

“I thought cold air rises.”

“No, hot air rises. That’s how hot air balloons work.”

“But it’s always colder the higher you go up!”

~ in Virginia Beach #

“I don’t believe in putting sauce on anything.”

“Well, you can keep your fucking beliefs over there, on your own plate.”

~ in Virginia Beach #

“We can kill one and put a chain through it and wear it around my neck!”

“JADY! That is the sickest thing you have ever said!!”

And the punches were thrown.

~ in Virginia Beach #

There is cake and ice cream if you want something cold and soft… in your mouth.

~ in Norfolk #

“What size underwear do you wear?”

“It depends.”

“You wear Depends?!”

~ in Virginia Beach #

He don’t need no baby oil, he’s got white people hair.

~ in Portsmouth #

And all us Norfolk guys, we’re hammerin’ away, we’re jackin’ away.

~ in Virginia Beach #

“You jerked off to a RAPE SCENE?!”

“Yeah son, that shit was great!”

~ in Virginia Beach #

I’m an equal opportunist. If it’s warm and alive, I’m in it.

~ in Virginia Beach #

Can I get a water too? I still taste stripper.

~ in Virginia Beach #

“Look at him.”

“Is that Che Guevera?”

“No, that’s Pakistani Yanni.”

~ in Virginia Beach #

Psychics are like suped up wizards.

~ in Virginia Beach #

I’ll fucking do it. You wanna beat me at Farmville? I will withhold sex!

~ in Virginia Beach #